What does it mean to be someone’s lover? To truly love someone. To be inside of that person both mentally and emotionally. The physical aspect is obvious. But, how do you establish a bond beyond the physical—into the ethereal.
It sounds fictional. But, I thought about what it means to be a lover while sitting in my cubicle at work today. I though about my fiancé; how I kissed her goodbye this morning, how I sent her texts throughout the day, or how after arriving back home I listened to how her day went. I do these things instinctively. Not because I have to, but because I love to.
Forget about the sex. It’s out of this world sex; the kind that makes you blush when she smiles at you the next day while out in public together. But it’s so much more than just touching the right spots, or saying the right things that make sex so great. It’s about having a connection—mentally, and emotionally—a lover’s bond.
I often think about the little things that cultivated this bond; like listening to her talk, or surprising her with gifts randomly one afternoon, or going out to dinner on special occasions, or even just staying in on a Friday night and catching up on our favorite new series, Stranger Things on Netflix. All of these things add up—to some degree or another—but they do not explain why we have such a strong bond with one another.
We are able to laugh, cry (she does the crying), and even share silence in the same room without feeling that awkwardness that others try avoiding. It’s quite remarkable when I think about it. Around friends, we laugh intimately at our inside jokes that no one else gets. When she cries, I know just what to say to make her smile. Sometimes, there’s nothing to say, it’s without saying. How is it that I can look into her eyes and see the same thing she sees in mine? Is it trust? Is it respect? Trust and respect are important, but they are not the source.
There’s practically very little that my fiancé doesn’t know about me; like what my biggest fear is, or what my most embarrassing moment growing up has been. She knows it all. I have allowed her into the darkest corners of my past. I don’t believe in secrets. At least not from someone sharing your bed. You can’t build a bond with someone if you never truly let them in. It’s a scary thought, really. No one wants someone else peeking inside their mind; their thoughts.
For those brave enough to let their guard completely down, you run the risk of becoming vulnerable. Vulnerable to someone else’s judgment, their inability to empathize—human nature. But, fear not! The heart is fragile and breaks like glass, yes. But, it’s also possible to achieve something long lasting—something unbreakable, no matter how many times it breaks. If you’re brave enough to risk it all, the reward is worth the pain in gold.
I get it now. I hope you will too.